November 26, 2011

My 1st Text Post

Does this work? Trying to set up SMS posting...

Hosting a White Trash Bash

My older brother Jared & sis-in-law Ronny host a White Trash Bash every year.
You can expect everything from spam and vienna sausage appetizers to duct taped furniture scattered around the yard.
This kind of party never lacks guests, there's something about getting drunk on a patio while wearing jorts (formally known as cut off blue jean shorts) that really gets people motivated.
Ronny decorated the backyard with:
  • Trashy furniture - or reg furniture you just add duct tape to)
  • Hung a clothes line between two trees with some saggy womens undies and mens tidy whities on clothes pins
  • Christmas lights
  • Scattered beer cans - after a while the whole party tends to contribute to this decor
  • Pet coon - she put a raccoon stuffed animal under a cage on the porch like it was a pet
  • Toilet in the front yard - makes for some uh...great pictures :p
  • Coolers of Keystone (or keg) - styrofoam ones are funny
  • Washer boards (game)
Memorable costumes highlights:
  • Cut-off tshirt with neck tie
  • Hot pink fishnet shirt and lipstick to match
  • Plaid robe with tennis shoes
  • Plastic Walmart bag as a purse
  • Nascar tshirt
  • Jorts with brown work boots
  • Platform stripper heels while preggers (pillow insert)
  • Pregnant in a white wedding dress
  • Hair in sponge rollers
  • Beer koozie hung around neck with a string

Hot Soccer Moms vs. The World

The Woodlands Waterway is for 2 things:

1. Strolling couples (who have just started dating or who are going on their 52nd year of marriage.

2. Hot jogging soccer moms (pets optional).
During my stint as an unemployed college graduate, I made an effort to be like these women (more so the 'hot' than the 'soccer').
I'd put on my little built-in-bra tank top and some make up, then fire up the purple iPod and begin my transformation into a Megan Fox look alike.

One week Tim & I were asked to dog-sit, by his mom, for 2 super cute weenie dogs.
Meet Abigail.
Meet Joshua.
For me this meant jogging the Waterway with two cute weenie dogs in tow! Yay! I'd always wanted to do this, women are always out running with their cute lil' perfectly groomed/mannered pets along the Waterway and it just looks... nice.
So the three of us are a joggin' and eveything seems fine. They're both running alongside me... I get looks that say things like, "aww she looks sweet and like she has her life together"... and one dog might stop to sniff a bit but all in all I'm thinking I've got things under control.

Every once in awhile when one dog started to kind of lag behind, I'd give a light tug and they'd soon be back in front of me. Well, somewhere between Rihanna's SNM and Miranda Lambert's Baggage Claim, Joshua had started furiously darting wildly around to the end of his leash chasing after a leaf or something - Abigail's somewhere behind me refusing to move forward and all the sudden I'm that space people talk about that's always between a rock and a hard place.     

Now I feel people staring at me.
I'm attempting to control Joshua with a combination of harsh demands and leash pulling, all the while very confused as to why Abigail just won't keep up with us like she had been doing the whole time.

Frazzled beyond belief, I finally jerked my head behind me to see what Abby's dang deal was. It was then that I realized people weren't gawking at the scene me and Joshua were making - they were staring behind me. At Abigail.

... who was just about done taking her morning poo right in the center of the very crowded jogging trail.

November 25, 2011

My $450 Involuntary Donation To The Government

I go back and forth about whether or not I like police officers. 
Every once in awhile you'll get the cool, wisdomous ones that give you the I'm-only-concerned-for-your-life-and-the-well-being-of-others vibe when they pull you over.

Or, you'll occasionally get the kind of officer that'll pull you over and fine you in order to raise enough money to buy fancy new police motorcycles at the end of the year.

Both write tickets.

... usually to me.
I had already paid my $450 fine, turned in most of the paperwork, but had yet to get it notorized.

I drove to FedEx - they don't do them. Drove to the post office - don't do them. UPS - too far. FINALLY I walked into a Wells Fargo - they took my piece of paper, walked out of the room, brought it back to me, said I was good to go, I said thank you, DONE.

I still don't know what a notary is.

September 21, 2011

Viva Las Engagement

Welp, another one bites the dust.


jk :)


Steph and Seth just got engaged in Vegas and I couldn't be more thrilled! I love when two sane people find love. It gives me hope for America's future.


teehee.
just kidding again.


...kinda.


Not JUST sane of course, I mean they're both crazy good-looking with phenom personalities :) There's no question about whether or not they'll be happy - it's a certainty, and I don't say that about anybody.
We celebrated at benjy's in Rice Village and were super eagar to hear all about how her new fiance staged a surprise Vegas engagement at the very spot her parents first met.


...and of course see her super freaking huge/beautiful cushion cut diamond that she refuses to post on Facebook. Oh Stephy...so modest :)
It's so weird to think back about the timeline I had for my life as a kid. Back when eighteen seemed old?
Psh.


Here I am, twenty-two years old, and not remotely close to getting married. I think I was supposed to have things figured out by now. It doesn't help that my parents started dating at like sixteen or something, got married right out of high school, and have been happily married for thirty years. That makes the 50's housewife stigma and general expectations ever-more present.


Ah well. Live in the now, it's more fun.
Guess what else is fun - a wedding reception with an open bar, close friends, and plenty of crab cakes :)
Sure it may not be my own, but for now, it's better. It's the future Mr. & Mrs. Michaelson's. A poster couple that does nothing but set a killer example of what love should look like.


Love...a moment that should last forever.


Congratulations Stephanie & Seth. I love you both, and wish y'all nothing but a life full of love, happiness, and thrilling surprises.

In a Pickle

So uhh...I know that if you break a mirror, it means seven years of bad luck.
Any thoughts on a full jar of pickles?

The Palace of Gas Stations

As soon as I decide I’m taking a road trip, one thing comes to mind - Buc-ee's!
It's the Disneyworld of gas stations.

It’s got candy, jerky, dips, desserts (to name a few), oh and you can’t forget the kooky custom merchandise. I’m talking blankets, pajama pants, coolers, baby onesies, welcome mats, jeez YOU NAME IT.
To get a better understanding of the Buc-ee’s followership - I snapped this in The Woodlands the other day. I'm thinkin' this guy dresses his baby in Buc-ee's onesies...

So, the boyfriend happens to be a huge Buc-ee's fan and every time it's on the travel agenda, he talks of nothing else but getting a bag of thier chocolate covered gummy bears - yes, they oddly coat all sorts of miscellaneous items in chocolate. 

Well, Tim's most recent Bucee's trip was a devastating one...there were no chocolate covered gummy bears to be found. We scoured the place - chocolate covered pretzels, cashews, sunflower seeds, bacon even…but no gummies :(

Later that week I seized the opportunity to play Tim’s hero. My first mission was to stop by Kroger and pick up the following:

-1 lb. assortment of fruit flavored gummy bears
-1 package of milk chocolate almond bark
-toothpicks
-wax paper

Can you guess what happened next??
Homemade chocolate covered gummy bears = happy Tim!!
...nom nom nom
Question – k so Tim’s Bucee’s fetish is the chocolate covered gummy bears…is it weird that mine is the billboards?